Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Decisions, Decisions

Just over a year ago I lost my job. Or quit. However you want to put it. I intended on getting another job right away but then life had other plans.

Then I thought I would get a job after Thomas was born. But that was complicated.

I decided to wait until January to even start looking. I did find a job that I wanted. I talked my way into an interview. Got Thomas on the list for daycare and Anna-Kate in "school" full time. I thought the interview went really well.

I got a message a week or two later saying they had decided to go with someone else.

I just started feeling really down. All this time I had planned on working but I just couldn't seem to find a job. The longer I searched for a job, the more I just wanted to be at home for Anna-Kate and Thomas.

The problem was that I don't enjoy being at home all day. I am really social and I like to get out and visit with people and be busy. I struggled to find out exactly what women do when they stay at home. I knew there were women running errands but what kind of errands do they run? I love caring for Anna-Kate and Thomas but how do I get all of my needs met?

In my mind I knew that I wanted to stay-at-home. I just fought it so bad.

A year after leaving my "dream" job I decided I wasn't going to plan on working anymore. I wanted to be a full time stay-at-home mommy! It was an exciting and scary decision to make, even though it was made for me a year ago.

I still don't have it all figured out. I have to really work hard to find fulfillment in day-to-day tasks. I have to work hard to stay motivated and to stay on top of things. I'm really not the best housekeeper!

I have realized so much about myself. I am so different than the person I thought I would be. I am amazed when I think about what my goals and desires were for myself. I wanted so many things but I have realized that those things would not make me happy.

I know this is silly but a year ago I did not realize just how much I loved cooking. And baking- man I love to bake! I didn't realize that I would have the slightest desire to learn to sew! (I still am trying to get that one going!)

I really believe that I am finding myself.

Man it feels good! I am not the person I was a year ago and I couldn't be happier.

I am working full time- running my household.

I am in love with my husband who is a wonderful father.

I am in love with this little girl

and this little boy

and their needs are my priority!


Henpecked said...

You are awesome! I love you to the moon and back, and God knows where you need to be and when you need to be there. Have faith in Him and things will just fall into place. You have no idea how much I envy you. I am so proud of all that you have accomplished. You have a beautiful family, a charming home, a great outlook on like, and a pretty good best friend. What more could a girl need?

Oh yes, let us not forget the happy pets underfoot!

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