Decisions, Decisions

Just over a year ago I lost my job. Or quit. However you want to put it. I intended on getting another job right away but then life had other plans.

Then I thought I would get a job after Thomas was born. But that was complicated.

I decided to wait until January to even start looking. I did find a job that I wanted. I talked my way into an interview. Got Thomas on the list for daycare and Anna-Kate in "school" full time. I thought the interview went really well.

I got a message a week or two later saying they had decided to go with someone else.

I just started feeling really down. All this time I had planned on working but I just couldn't seem to find a job. The longer I searched for a job, the more I just wanted to be at home for Anna-Kate and Thomas.

The problem was that I don't enjoy being at home all day. I am really social and I like to get out and visit with people and be busy. I struggled to find out exactly what women do when they stay at home. I knew there were women running errands but what kind of errands do they run? I love caring for Anna-Kate and Thomas but how do I get all of my needs met?

In my mind I knew that I wanted to stay-at-home. I just fought it so bad.

A year after leaving my "dream" job I decided I wasn't going to plan on working anymore. I wanted to be a full time stay-at-home mommy! It was an exciting and scary decision to make, even though it was made for me a year ago.

I still don't have it all figured out. I have to really work hard to find fulfillment in day-to-day tasks. I have to work hard to stay motivated and to stay on top of things. I'm really not the best housekeeper!

I have realized so much about myself. I am so different than the person I thought I would be. I am amazed when I think about what my goals and desires were for myself. I wanted so many things but I have realized that those things would not make me happy.

I know this is silly but a year ago I did not realize just how much I loved cooking. And baking- man I love to bake! I didn't realize that I would have the slightest desire to learn to sew! (I still am trying to get that one going!)

I really believe that I am finding myself.

Man it feels good! I am not the person I was a year ago and I couldn't be happier.

I am working full time- running my household.

I am in love with my husband who is a wonderful father.

I am in love with this little girl

and this little boy

and their needs are my priority!